Why People Divorce
“All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.”
Leo Tolstoy
There are many reasons that people divorce or end long-term spousal relationships.
Many people just drift apart. Whenever they married or cohabited, they had a lot in common but after many years together they have nothing left and drift apart. The love and commitment simply fade away in one spouse or in both.
Sometimes the love turns into an active dislike. Not only does one spouse or both lose their commitment but views the other spouse to be the source of much unhappiness in their lives. Whether or not the other spouse is responsible for their unhappiness, they place the blame on the other.
Affairs and infidelity often contribute to the final termination of a spousal relationship. Often, this is the last straw.
Interpersonal violence and control by one spouse towards the other or towards the children or both can make a marriage not only unhappy but dangerous. Spouses leaving such relationships can face many difficulties and a high conflict marriage is followed by a high conflict divorce.
Substance abuse is extremely common in our society and often leads to marital breakup. Often one spouse will slip into a pattern of drinking or using drugs that deteriorates over time. The other spouse tries to bargain or work with the abuser and a strange dependency develops. These relationships are doomed unless the spouse with the problem gets treatment and succeeds.
Mental health issues are extremely common in marriage breakups. One spouse may suffer from depression, anxiety, or have other serious mental health issues with which the other spouse cannot cope. Both parties can often be suffering from some form of clinical mental health issue.
Related to mental health issues are personality disorders that one spouse may exhibit. These can become more obvious over the course of a relationship.
Each couple breaks up for its own reasons.